[ oh, buddy. xie lian can't help it - he reaches over and gently puts his hand on hyth's arm. ]
...I'm sure you will have a chance to speak with him, in this place. [ shakes teej go put emet on the glocksuke meme (sisi its a month later) teej
he recognizes that look, though, that exhale. the slow unsteadiness, of knowing you left someone behind. xie lian can fill in the blanks. ] ... He is never one to speak much of his life to - well, perhaps to me most of all, but I know some. I.. must wonder, how long it has been between the two points.
... He described - your kind, I believe... to me as 'whole' in comparison to humanity as he knows it. Earlier, you had hesitated when you mentioned that Emet-Selch could have died. Death is not common among your kind, right?
[he doesn't seem to mind the touch! he starts, slightly, but doesn't pull away, and eases pretty quickly.]
It must have been a very long time indeed. [he murmurs. for emet-selch to become that, it had to have been. he tilts his head back.]
Whole... [what does that even mean, he has no idea.] No, you are correct - we do not call it death, though that term is technically true. We fulfill our duties, and when we have done so, we so choose to return to the star. It is peaceful. Nothing to be feared.
[he plays with his mask absently.] Not that I would necessarily call my departure such. It was a different case entirely, but there was a plan. It must have been disrupted.
[ yeah he didn't know either. xie lian really just thought it was stupid and told emet he was wrong to his face and that set off their entire relationship. it be like that sometimes.
as hyth explains, he nods, pulling his hand back and settling them into his lap to listen to him. ]
I see... [ but, a disrupted plan speaks of trauma, and, really... it makes sense, if emet-selch did such a turnaround of his behavior. xie lian knows what that feels like, too, intimately, and falls quiet on his end, too. ]
... The loss of someone so close - [ because he remembers, too, the memory that he saw. the story emet selch told him, about a son. ] ... it must have hurt him greatly.
...May I ask what happened? You don't have to tell me, of course.
[it's funny because hythlodaeus also would think it's stupid, oopsies]
I do not mind. [he's a somewhat private person, but xie lian is a friend, he can tell. the color of his soul is comforting and bright, the sort of color he'd associate with the best of women and men he'd ever known.]
Our star had begun to fray. The laws of existence were quickly unraveling, and we could not find a cause. So rather than fix the problem at a source we could not determine, we turned to creation, as we always have. Zodiark, a power beyond power, was born from the sacrifice of half our number.
[a little smile.] I was part of that half. Full glad was I to do it, to offer such a contribution. Even if I were not to return, it ensured that both Emet-Selch, Azem, and the entirety of our people would be given the chance continue their work.
... I can only guess that our people were incapable of returning from Zodiark's hold. I have no memory past my - ah, death, I suppose.
he can't say he wouldn't have done the same. xie lian would have in a heartbeat. it's so oppositional to xie lian's knowing and the name - azem is one he's heard before, too, even if only in memories forcibly shared.
his respect for hythlodaeus solidified, and empathetic heart aching for the person he came to know, xie lian folds his hands together and looks away, expression pulling into a small, soft smile. ]
... A choice made of your own volition, too, it sounds like. [ much to emet's displeasure, he can imagine. ] He... from what I know, he has certainly lived a long time to continue such work. Though, of this Azem... it is a name I've heard before, but I can't tell you much of it beyond that.
[ he could, maybe. the fractured soul. the new version of an old friend. but he can't be the one to drop the news that he does know - that while emet-selch may have survived the realm, xie lian felt the way the light pulled him free of the sway of the very zodiark said before, and the way he faded from existence.
(once, there was a prince who built a bridge to the heavens, to save his people and bring them to the sky.)
he takes a breath, and there's a soft sadness to his words, the weight heavy like a cloak, even as his small smile remains. ]
... There is someone here that I know who - went through something of a similar fate. She is healthy and hale here, and must have been in her strange game. But, to me... her fate has changed in ways that I was stunned, to know she was even alive. It doesn't seem that odd of an occurrence, in this space.
[ ... ]
...And, truthfully - such moments outside of time are a blessing, no matter what we all return to.
[yeah, no, emet-selch was not happy to know hythlodaeus had volunteered, but - it was their duty. they've always put that above everything else.
hythlodaeus is quiet, listening. and when xie lian is finished, he sighs a little, closing his eyes.]
It is good to know you found your friend for even one moment. I agree. To know that Emet-Selch is still alive is a blessing, though perhaps not in entirety. I should imagine he is... tired.
[and it's clear that hythlodaeus aches, thinking about that.]
Ahh, it is useless to think of what might have changed, I know, but I have often wondered if I should have taken his title in his stead. How different it might have been - how much rest he could have been afforded.
[ ...tired, yeah. he doesn't expand more on his next thought beyond the statement itself; ]
... Though I am certainly far older than I look, I am not anywhere close to as old as Emet-Selch is. [ and this was a point between them often - emet managed to needle at xie lian at the beginning because of it, though he decided he was going to continue to be optimistic and stupid no matter what - but immortality is immortality. and, if there's one thing he understands, it's this; xie lian's voice quiets a little further, and he gives hyth a soft, sad smile if he looks.
(as he remembers, emet's story about his son.) ]
...It is a terribly lonely thing.
[ eight hundred years of solitude, after tremendous tragedy and loss, was never something xie lian enjoyed. he just existed, until san lang came along. he can only imagine what it's like to be alone for emet had, and his heart aches for the two of them. ]
I think... and perhaps this comes from recognition and similarity, but... it will always be easier to think - "if it were me." [ the smile goes a little wan, there, and xie lian scratches his cheek. same hat! ] Either road that you could have taken would have ended in sorrow, to match the light your opportunity gave.
So - I think it will be difficult to step away from wondering, even if we know it to be logical. [ the same hat is too real!!
the wanness fades away, to a smile of warmth and kindness; of kindred spirits and recognition. ] But, if I have learned anything, it is that what is done is done, and it is ever important to hold onto the smaller, happier memories as much as it is our own concerns and care for those around us.
So... if you'd like to ponder on it, I'd be happy to listen - or, if you'd simply like to recount tales of lighter times, or hear similar of the ones that I know, I'm happy for that, too.
[as he listens, he thinks that he was probably right about taking his mask off. he feels comfortable, around xie lian, and he wonders if emet did too.]
I would be happy to do any of those things. [hythlodaeus says finally, tilting his head back.]
You are not entirely incorrect. Perhaps there would have been sorrow, pain, but I would much rather have had carried the burden of it.
[he glances down at his feet - where the shoebill has just appeared? it's just here now. it's still ignoring the both of them, but when hythlodaeus reaches down to stroke the top of its head, it doesn't move away.]
In any case. I have plenty of happy memories involving him, despite his nature. My hope is that some of what I remember survived the long years.
[a beat, and then a small laugh:] I've not even any idea where to start.
[ xie lian makes a soft noise of agreement, as hyth describes carrying the burden, because he feels exactly the same. he's carried the burden, after all - and it's only recently that he's tried to carry it a little less, because of how much it hurts san lang.
but, he's happy to let the conversation slide to the new topic, allowing hyth a moment to think.
... and then scoots a little closer to him. this energy. ]
How old were the two of you when you met? You said children, and - truthfully, it's almost hard for me to imagine Emet-Selch as a child! What sort of young man was he?
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no subject
...I'm sure you will have a chance to speak with him, in this place. [ shakes teej go put emet on the glocksuke meme (sisi its a month later) teej
he recognizes that look, though, that exhale. the slow unsteadiness, of knowing you left someone behind. xie lian can fill in the blanks. ] ... He is never one to speak much of his life to - well, perhaps to me most of all, but I know some. I.. must wonder, how long it has been between the two points.
... He described - your kind, I believe... to me as 'whole' in comparison to humanity as he knows it. Earlier, you had hesitated when you mentioned that Emet-Selch could have died. Death is not common among your kind, right?
no subject
It must have been a very long time indeed. [he murmurs. for emet-selch to become that, it had to have been. he tilts his head back.]
Whole... [what does that even mean, he has no idea.] No, you are correct - we do not call it death, though that term is technically true. We fulfill our duties, and when we have done so, we so choose to return to the star. It is peaceful. Nothing to be feared.
[he plays with his mask absently.] Not that I would necessarily call my departure such. It was a different case entirely, but there was a plan. It must have been disrupted.
no subject
as hyth explains, he nods, pulling his hand back and settling them into his lap to listen to him. ]
I see... [ but, a disrupted plan speaks of trauma, and, really... it makes sense, if emet-selch did such a turnaround of his behavior. xie lian knows what that feels like, too, intimately, and falls quiet on his end, too. ]
... The loss of someone so close - [ because he remembers, too, the memory that he saw. the story emet selch told him, about a son. ] ... it must have hurt him greatly.
...May I ask what happened? You don't have to tell me, of course.
no subject
I do not mind. [he's a somewhat private person, but xie lian is a friend, he can tell. the color of his soul is comforting and bright, the sort of color he'd associate with the best of women and men he'd ever known.]
Our star had begun to fray. The laws of existence were quickly unraveling, and we could not find a cause. So rather than fix the problem at a source we could not determine, we turned to creation, as we always have. Zodiark, a power beyond power, was born from the sacrifice of half our number.
[a little smile.] I was part of that half. Full glad was I to do it, to offer such a contribution. Even if I were not to return, it ensured that both Emet-Selch, Azem, and the entirety of our people would be given the chance continue their work.
... I can only guess that our people were incapable of returning from Zodiark's hold. I have no memory past my - ah, death, I suppose.
no subject
well.
he can't say he wouldn't have done the same. xie lian would have in a heartbeat. it's so oppositional to xie lian's knowing and the name - azem is one he's heard before, too, even if only in memories forcibly shared.
his respect for hythlodaeus solidified, and empathetic heart aching for the person he came to know, xie lian folds his hands together and looks away, expression pulling into a small, soft smile. ]
... A choice made of your own volition, too, it sounds like. [ much to emet's displeasure, he can imagine. ] He... from what I know, he has certainly lived a long time to continue such work. Though, of this Azem... it is a name I've heard before, but I can't tell you much of it beyond that.
[ he could, maybe. the fractured soul. the new version of an old friend. but he can't be the one to drop the news that he does know - that while emet-selch may have survived the realm, xie lian felt the way the light pulled him free of the sway of the very zodiark said before, and the way he faded from existence.
(once, there was a prince who built a bridge to the heavens, to save his people and bring them to the sky.)
he takes a breath, and there's a soft sadness to his words, the weight heavy like a cloak, even as his small smile remains. ]
... There is someone here that I know who - went through something of a similar fate. She is healthy and hale here, and must have been in her strange game. But, to me... her fate has changed in ways that I was stunned, to know she was even alive. It doesn't seem that odd of an occurrence, in this space.
[ ... ]
...And, truthfully - such moments outside of time are a blessing, no matter what we all return to.
no subject
hythlodaeus is quiet, listening. and when xie lian is finished, he sighs a little, closing his eyes.]
It is good to know you found your friend for even one moment. I agree. To know that Emet-Selch is still alive is a blessing, though perhaps not in entirety. I should imagine he is... tired.
[and it's clear that hythlodaeus aches, thinking about that.]
Ahh, it is useless to think of what might have changed, I know, but I have often wondered if I should have taken his title in his stead. How different it might have been - how much rest he could have been afforded.
no subject
... Though I am certainly far older than I look, I am not anywhere close to as old as Emet-Selch is. [ and this was a point between them often - emet managed to needle at xie lian at the beginning because of it, though he decided he was going to continue to be optimistic and stupid no matter what - but immortality is immortality. and, if there's one thing he understands, it's this; xie lian's voice quiets a little further, and he gives hyth a soft, sad smile if he looks.
(as he remembers, emet's story about his son.) ]
...It is a terribly lonely thing.
[ eight hundred years of solitude, after tremendous tragedy and loss, was never something xie lian enjoyed. he just existed, until san lang came along. he can only imagine what it's like to be alone for emet had, and his heart aches for the two of them. ]
I think... and perhaps this comes from recognition and similarity, but... it will always be easier to think - "if it were me." [ the smile goes a little wan, there, and xie lian scratches his cheek. same hat! ] Either road that you could have taken would have ended in sorrow, to match the light your opportunity gave.
So - I think it will be difficult to step away from wondering, even if we know it to be logical. [ the same hat is too real!!
the wanness fades away, to a smile of warmth and kindness; of kindred spirits and recognition. ] But, if I have learned anything, it is that what is done is done, and it is ever important to hold onto the smaller, happier memories as much as it is our own concerns and care for those around us.
So... if you'd like to ponder on it, I'd be happy to listen - or, if you'd simply like to recount tales of lighter times, or hear similar of the ones that I know, I'm happy for that, too.
no subject
I would be happy to do any of those things. [hythlodaeus says finally, tilting his head back.]
You are not entirely incorrect. Perhaps there would have been sorrow, pain, but I would much rather have had carried the burden of it.
[he glances down at his feet - where the shoebill has just appeared? it's just here now. it's still ignoring the both of them, but when hythlodaeus reaches down to stroke the top of its head, it doesn't move away.]
In any case. I have plenty of happy memories involving him, despite his nature. My hope is that some of what I remember survived the long years.
[a beat, and then a small laugh:] I've not even any idea where to start.
no subject
but, he's happy to let the conversation slide to the new topic, allowing hyth a moment to think.
... and then scoots a little closer to him. this energy. ]
How old were the two of you when you met? You said children, and - truthfully, it's almost hard for me to imagine Emet-Selch as a child! What sort of young man was he?