[well, okay, the gut punch of emet-selch was in a murdergame takes a second for hythlodaeus to process. there's a pause, as he kind of just. holds his tea cup.]
I daresay he would give you a look similar to the one our feathered friend is giving that wall. [he says, finally, tone still light-hearted.] Which would rather prove the veracity of your claim.
[a beat.] It does soothe me to know he is still making friends wherever he goes.
[ admittedly... the name drop was a bit on purpose. there are similarities - xie lian did share a room with him once - and he'd wondered.
...and, like usual, his intuition was pretty on point. the observation of friends makes xie lian laugh a little, looking at the bird for a moment longer before returning his gaze to the masked young man in front of him. ]
Something like that... [ emet, somewhere: 😒 ] Though, I'm sure he would make a similar face to our feathered friend should I say we were such. Was I correct in assuming you might know him, sir?
[he says, cheerfully.] Emet-Selch is a close friend of mine, though he would never admit it out loud. You said the realm, did you not? That is the one with the memories being lost?
delight crosses xie lian's face, now - he gives up on harassing the shoebill for a proper picture and sends the least blurry one to emet's phs, and then tucks it back into his sleeve to bow properly to hyth in greeting. ]
You would be correct, as well! I am Xie Lian. It's a pleasure to meet you! I worked together quite a bit with Emet-Selch in the Realm - we were even roommates for a time. It is an unfortunate situation for us all to have been in, but nevertheless, the bonds that came out of it were forged in stone and iron.
carefully, he takes his mask off - he doesn't necessarily want to, but he has since learned the rules of most of these other worlds in his two week stint, so. he would rather be polite!]
That does not surprise me in the least. Ever has Emet-Selch been dutiful, since we were children. Ah - my apologies. I am Hythlodaeus. It's a pleasure.
[ honestly as long as it's not a laughing crying mask he could have kept it on forever!
xie lian smiles back at him though when he does anyway, polite and frankly sort of delighted to hear the idea of being emet-selch as a child, because emet made a very key point of ensuring xie lian understood just how much older he was than xie lian at all times. he straightens up properly and comes over. ]
Hythlodaeus. How nice! Ah - have you really known him since you were children? How fascinating...
[ as he settles down across from him, the selfish question - if you could call it that - catches his attention, and xie lian's expression immediately softens into a gentle smile. ]
...No, he didn't. [ and it's good to be able to deliver that kind of news, to this person's waiting face, to his nervous shifting. ] While he was caught having committed a killing in self defense [ If Only You Knew Xie Lian ] -- he was saved from the execution, so Emet-Selch survived to the end.
[ it warms his heart to see the relief on hyth's face, really. ]
Of course. [ happy!!!
and then, just while he's out her doxxing ] Actually, he was one of a small group of us who was gifted with a small amount of extra power to help out, myself included. He was the 'king', if I recall correctly, and had the ability to create certain rules that we had to follow each week lest we be punished for them.
His choice of rules were... well, sometimes they were a bit interesting, but they were helpful in having us complete our end goal of the Realm and revive our dead! For the most part.
In a fashion. [tapping his closed fist gently against his jaw, as he speaks...]
The seat of Emet-Selch is the keeper of the aetherial realm. The Underworld, so we call it - the place we return to, when we are finished with our duties. He is quite capable of seeing and caring for the souls in the aetherial sea.
For him to assist in bringing back those who have passed is - strange, but oddly fitting.
[ a fascinating story... imagining emet-selch caring for the souls of others does give him pause, though, as he thinks about a conversation or two he had with emet towards the very end. ]
...In some ways, we somewhat dragged him along. [ a little huff, there. ] Our situation was quite strange - we all lost memories, over time. It turned out that we had failed at the conditions of our place dozens of times, or 'rounds', and would simply restart with no memory of our previous engagement there at all.
With the end of the final round, there was a conversation about voting to do it over again in case we had failed. We had to choose, and the majority's rule was to redo it. That happened enough times that we went through several of these 'rounds', but...
...Emet-Selch and I got into an argument about it when we had to vote the final time - I still remember, even now. [ this comes out a bit fondly. ] He was quite willing to vote 'no' and trap the dead behind, but... truthfully, hearing what you've said, I think I can understand why he would choose such a thing.
We did agree the both of us probably argued about it every time we were forced to choose, though. [ xie lian laughs at that, though, absently reaching to scritch at a wriggling piece of fabric wrapped around his wrist. ] It just seemed he was always outnumbered by the types of people in our strange simulation.
[this seems... strange, to him. it's obvious on his face. his head tilts...]
Hm. [on the one hand, he can see emet-selch wanting to leave the dead as dead, because - well, so would hythlodaeus. it isn't right to drag them from the sea once they'd returned to it, but this is different, he thinks. if it was anything like his own, the dead were never truly dead, never released to the aether. it was always more... purgatory. always a little more like his own experience with zodiark.
silence, for a moment, and then:] The Emet-Selch I know has ever been reluctant to show he cares. But he does, deeply - people the world over have expressed their fondest well wishes for him, after he had lent a helping hand. I cannot see him saying no, despite his often brooding and cantankerous nature.
Interesting... I wonder if it is truly the same Emet-Selch. [he doesn't doubt that it is so much - really, he sounds more worried than anything else.] Had he ever removed his mask or hood in your presence?
he thinks for a moment about shi qingxuan, who he spoke to earlier, and about the description of an emet selch who might hate to be king. a man who xie lian learned of as an emperor.
his brows knit together - apologetic, almost. ]
...There was barely a moment where he wore it. [ because xie lian remembers it with perfect clarity, if only because a masked man haunted him for large portions of his life. he reaches up absently, touching his hand to his own cheek. ] And... I believe when he did, it was because he had lost many of his memories.
...I think... from what I know of him, I may know of an Emet-Selch who is far from the future, my friend.
[ oh, buddy. xie lian can't help it - he reaches over and gently puts his hand on hyth's arm. ]
...I'm sure you will have a chance to speak with him, in this place. [ shakes teej go put emet on the glocksuke meme (sisi its a month later) teej
he recognizes that look, though, that exhale. the slow unsteadiness, of knowing you left someone behind. xie lian can fill in the blanks. ] ... He is never one to speak much of his life to - well, perhaps to me most of all, but I know some. I.. must wonder, how long it has been between the two points.
... He described - your kind, I believe... to me as 'whole' in comparison to humanity as he knows it. Earlier, you had hesitated when you mentioned that Emet-Selch could have died. Death is not common among your kind, right?
[he doesn't seem to mind the touch! he starts, slightly, but doesn't pull away, and eases pretty quickly.]
It must have been a very long time indeed. [he murmurs. for emet-selch to become that, it had to have been. he tilts his head back.]
Whole... [what does that even mean, he has no idea.] No, you are correct - we do not call it death, though that term is technically true. We fulfill our duties, and when we have done so, we so choose to return to the star. It is peaceful. Nothing to be feared.
[he plays with his mask absently.] Not that I would necessarily call my departure such. It was a different case entirely, but there was a plan. It must have been disrupted.
[ yeah he didn't know either. xie lian really just thought it was stupid and told emet he was wrong to his face and that set off their entire relationship. it be like that sometimes.
as hyth explains, he nods, pulling his hand back and settling them into his lap to listen to him. ]
I see... [ but, a disrupted plan speaks of trauma, and, really... it makes sense, if emet-selch did such a turnaround of his behavior. xie lian knows what that feels like, too, intimately, and falls quiet on his end, too. ]
... The loss of someone so close - [ because he remembers, too, the memory that he saw. the story emet selch told him, about a son. ] ... it must have hurt him greatly.
...May I ask what happened? You don't have to tell me, of course.
[it's funny because hythlodaeus also would think it's stupid, oopsies]
I do not mind. [he's a somewhat private person, but xie lian is a friend, he can tell. the color of his soul is comforting and bright, the sort of color he'd associate with the best of women and men he'd ever known.]
Our star had begun to fray. The laws of existence were quickly unraveling, and we could not find a cause. So rather than fix the problem at a source we could not determine, we turned to creation, as we always have. Zodiark, a power beyond power, was born from the sacrifice of half our number.
[a little smile.] I was part of that half. Full glad was I to do it, to offer such a contribution. Even if I were not to return, it ensured that both Emet-Selch, Azem, and the entirety of our people would be given the chance continue their work.
... I can only guess that our people were incapable of returning from Zodiark's hold. I have no memory past my - ah, death, I suppose.
he can't say he wouldn't have done the same. xie lian would have in a heartbeat. it's so oppositional to xie lian's knowing and the name - azem is one he's heard before, too, even if only in memories forcibly shared.
his respect for hythlodaeus solidified, and empathetic heart aching for the person he came to know, xie lian folds his hands together and looks away, expression pulling into a small, soft smile. ]
... A choice made of your own volition, too, it sounds like. [ much to emet's displeasure, he can imagine. ] He... from what I know, he has certainly lived a long time to continue such work. Though, of this Azem... it is a name I've heard before, but I can't tell you much of it beyond that.
[ he could, maybe. the fractured soul. the new version of an old friend. but he can't be the one to drop the news that he does know - that while emet-selch may have survived the realm, xie lian felt the way the light pulled him free of the sway of the very zodiark said before, and the way he faded from existence.
(once, there was a prince who built a bridge to the heavens, to save his people and bring them to the sky.)
he takes a breath, and there's a soft sadness to his words, the weight heavy like a cloak, even as his small smile remains. ]
... There is someone here that I know who - went through something of a similar fate. She is healthy and hale here, and must have been in her strange game. But, to me... her fate has changed in ways that I was stunned, to know she was even alive. It doesn't seem that odd of an occurrence, in this space.
[ ... ]
...And, truthfully - such moments outside of time are a blessing, no matter what we all return to.
[yeah, no, emet-selch was not happy to know hythlodaeus had volunteered, but - it was their duty. they've always put that above everything else.
hythlodaeus is quiet, listening. and when xie lian is finished, he sighs a little, closing his eyes.]
It is good to know you found your friend for even one moment. I agree. To know that Emet-Selch is still alive is a blessing, though perhaps not in entirety. I should imagine he is... tired.
[and it's clear that hythlodaeus aches, thinking about that.]
Ahh, it is useless to think of what might have changed, I know, but I have often wondered if I should have taken his title in his stead. How different it might have been - how much rest he could have been afforded.
[ ...tired, yeah. he doesn't expand more on his next thought beyond the statement itself; ]
... Though I am certainly far older than I look, I am not anywhere close to as old as Emet-Selch is. [ and this was a point between them often - emet managed to needle at xie lian at the beginning because of it, though he decided he was going to continue to be optimistic and stupid no matter what - but immortality is immortality. and, if there's one thing he understands, it's this; xie lian's voice quiets a little further, and he gives hyth a soft, sad smile if he looks.
(as he remembers, emet's story about his son.) ]
...It is a terribly lonely thing.
[ eight hundred years of solitude, after tremendous tragedy and loss, was never something xie lian enjoyed. he just existed, until san lang came along. he can only imagine what it's like to be alone for emet had, and his heart aches for the two of them. ]
I think... and perhaps this comes from recognition and similarity, but... it will always be easier to think - "if it were me." [ the smile goes a little wan, there, and xie lian scratches his cheek. same hat! ] Either road that you could have taken would have ended in sorrow, to match the light your opportunity gave.
So - I think it will be difficult to step away from wondering, even if we know it to be logical. [ the same hat is too real!!
the wanness fades away, to a smile of warmth and kindness; of kindred spirits and recognition. ] But, if I have learned anything, it is that what is done is done, and it is ever important to hold onto the smaller, happier memories as much as it is our own concerns and care for those around us.
So... if you'd like to ponder on it, I'd be happy to listen - or, if you'd simply like to recount tales of lighter times, or hear similar of the ones that I know, I'm happy for that, too.
[as he listens, he thinks that he was probably right about taking his mask off. he feels comfortable, around xie lian, and he wonders if emet did too.]
I would be happy to do any of those things. [hythlodaeus says finally, tilting his head back.]
You are not entirely incorrect. Perhaps there would have been sorrow, pain, but I would much rather have had carried the burden of it.
[he glances down at his feet - where the shoebill has just appeared? it's just here now. it's still ignoring the both of them, but when hythlodaeus reaches down to stroke the top of its head, it doesn't move away.]
In any case. I have plenty of happy memories involving him, despite his nature. My hope is that some of what I remember survived the long years.
[a beat, and then a small laugh:] I've not even any idea where to start.
[ xie lian makes a soft noise of agreement, as hyth describes carrying the burden, because he feels exactly the same. he's carried the burden, after all - and it's only recently that he's tried to carry it a little less, because of how much it hurts san lang.
but, he's happy to let the conversation slide to the new topic, allowing hyth a moment to think.
... and then scoots a little closer to him. this energy. ]
How old were the two of you when you met? You said children, and - truthfully, it's almost hard for me to imagine Emet-Selch as a child! What sort of young man was he?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I daresay he would give you a look similar to the one our feathered friend is giving that wall. [he says, finally, tone still light-hearted.] Which would rather prove the veracity of your claim.
[a beat.] It does soothe me to know he is still making friends wherever he goes.
[he was not]
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...and, like usual, his intuition was pretty on point. the observation of friends makes xie lian laugh a little, looking at the bird for a moment longer before returning his gaze to the masked young man in front of him. ]
Something like that... [ emet, somewhere: 😒 ] Though, I'm sure he would make a similar face to our feathered friend should I say we were such. Was I correct in assuming you might know him, sir?
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[he says, cheerfully.] Emet-Selch is a close friend of mine, though he would never admit it out loud. You said the realm, did you not? That is the one with the memories being lost?
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Is that so? [ EMET you have FRIENDS
delight crosses xie lian's face, now - he gives up on harassing the shoebill for a proper picture and sends the least blurry one to emet's phs, and then tucks it back into his sleeve to bow properly to hyth in greeting. ]
You would be correct, as well! I am Xie Lian. It's a pleasure to meet you! I worked together quite a bit with Emet-Selch in the Realm - we were even roommates for a time. It is an unfortunate situation for us all to have been in, but nevertheless, the bonds that came out of it were forged in stone and iron.
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carefully, he takes his mask off - he doesn't necessarily want to, but he has since learned the rules of most of these other worlds in his two week stint, so. he would rather be polite!]
That does not surprise me in the least. Ever has Emet-Selch been dutiful, since we were children. Ah - my apologies. I am Hythlodaeus. It's a pleasure.
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xie lian smiles back at him though when he does anyway, polite and frankly sort of delighted to hear the idea of being emet-selch as a child, because emet made a very key point of ensuring xie lian understood just how much older he was than xie lian at all times. he straightens up properly and comes over. ]
Hythlodaeus. How nice! Ah - have you really known him since you were children? How fascinating...
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If I may ask a more selfish question... [he starts, after a moment, shifting.] Did he - ah, I suppose the word is die. Did he? During your game.
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...No, he didn't. [ and it's good to be able to deliver that kind of news, to this person's waiting face, to his nervous shifting. ] While he was caught having committed a killing in self defense [ If Only You Knew Xie Lian ] -- he was saved from the execution, so Emet-Selch survived to the end.
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Full glad am I to hear it. I should have known - he is quite capable. [he says this very fondly.] Thank you.
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Of course. [ happy!!!
and then, just while he's out her doxxing ] Actually, he was one of a small group of us who was gifted with a small amount of extra power to help out, myself included. He was the 'king', if I recall correctly, and had the ability to create certain rules that we had to follow each week lest we be punished for them.
His choice of rules were... well, sometimes they were a bit interesting, but they were helpful in having us complete our end goal of the Realm and revive our dead! For the most part.
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Reviving the dead, though... had he ever told you of his domain? What the seat of Emet-Selch requires?
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No, he hasn't! Is it something along the same lines?
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The seat of Emet-Selch is the keeper of the aetherial realm. The Underworld, so we call it - the place we return to, when we are finished with our duties. He is quite capable of seeing and caring for the souls in the aetherial sea.
For him to assist in bringing back those who have passed is - strange, but oddly fitting.
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...In some ways, we somewhat dragged him along. [ a little huff, there. ] Our situation was quite strange - we all lost memories, over time. It turned out that we had failed at the conditions of our place dozens of times, or 'rounds', and would simply restart with no memory of our previous engagement there at all.
With the end of the final round, there was a conversation about voting to do it over again in case we had failed. We had to choose, and the majority's rule was to redo it. That happened enough times that we went through several of these 'rounds', but...
...Emet-Selch and I got into an argument about it when we had to vote the final time - I still remember, even now. [ this comes out a bit fondly. ] He was quite willing to vote 'no' and trap the dead behind, but... truthfully, hearing what you've said, I think I can understand why he would choose such a thing.
We did agree the both of us probably argued about it every time we were forced to choose, though. [ xie lian laughs at that, though, absently reaching to scritch at a wriggling piece of fabric wrapped around his wrist. ] It just seemed he was always outnumbered by the types of people in our strange simulation.
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Hm. [on the one hand, he can see emet-selch wanting to leave the dead as dead, because - well, so would hythlodaeus. it isn't right to drag them from the sea once they'd returned to it, but this is different, he thinks. if it was anything like his own, the dead were never truly dead, never released to the aether. it was always more... purgatory. always a little more like his own experience with zodiark.
silence, for a moment, and then:] The Emet-Selch I know has ever been reluctant to show he cares. But he does, deeply - people the world over have expressed their fondest well wishes for him, after he had lent a helping hand. I cannot see him saying no, despite his often brooding and cantankerous nature.
Interesting... I wonder if it is truly the same Emet-Selch. [he doesn't doubt that it is so much - really, he sounds more worried than anything else.] Had he ever removed his mask or hood in your presence?
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he thinks for a moment about shi qingxuan, who he spoke to earlier, and about the description of an emet selch who might hate to be king. a man who xie lian learned of as an emperor.
his brows knit together - apologetic, almost. ]
...There was barely a moment where he wore it. [ because xie lian remembers it with perfect clarity, if only because a masked man haunted him for large portions of his life. he reaches up absently, touching his hand to his own cheek. ] And... I believe when he did, it was because he had lost many of his memories.
...I think... from what I know of him, I may know of an Emet-Selch who is far from the future, my friend.
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That is what I was afraid of. [he says, at length.] I had wondered...
[a slow exhale. across the room, the shoebill ruffles its feathers.] I had wondered how he would fare in my absence.
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...I'm sure you will have a chance to speak with him, in this place. [ shakes teej go put emet on the glocksuke meme (sisi its a month later) teej
he recognizes that look, though, that exhale. the slow unsteadiness, of knowing you left someone behind. xie lian can fill in the blanks. ] ... He is never one to speak much of his life to - well, perhaps to me most of all, but I know some. I.. must wonder, how long it has been between the two points.
... He described - your kind, I believe... to me as 'whole' in comparison to humanity as he knows it. Earlier, you had hesitated when you mentioned that Emet-Selch could have died. Death is not common among your kind, right?
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It must have been a very long time indeed. [he murmurs. for emet-selch to become that, it had to have been. he tilts his head back.]
Whole... [what does that even mean, he has no idea.] No, you are correct - we do not call it death, though that term is technically true. We fulfill our duties, and when we have done so, we so choose to return to the star. It is peaceful. Nothing to be feared.
[he plays with his mask absently.] Not that I would necessarily call my departure such. It was a different case entirely, but there was a plan. It must have been disrupted.
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as hyth explains, he nods, pulling his hand back and settling them into his lap to listen to him. ]
I see... [ but, a disrupted plan speaks of trauma, and, really... it makes sense, if emet-selch did such a turnaround of his behavior. xie lian knows what that feels like, too, intimately, and falls quiet on his end, too. ]
... The loss of someone so close - [ because he remembers, too, the memory that he saw. the story emet selch told him, about a son. ] ... it must have hurt him greatly.
...May I ask what happened? You don't have to tell me, of course.
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I do not mind. [he's a somewhat private person, but xie lian is a friend, he can tell. the color of his soul is comforting and bright, the sort of color he'd associate with the best of women and men he'd ever known.]
Our star had begun to fray. The laws of existence were quickly unraveling, and we could not find a cause. So rather than fix the problem at a source we could not determine, we turned to creation, as we always have. Zodiark, a power beyond power, was born from the sacrifice of half our number.
[a little smile.] I was part of that half. Full glad was I to do it, to offer such a contribution. Even if I were not to return, it ensured that both Emet-Selch, Azem, and the entirety of our people would be given the chance continue their work.
... I can only guess that our people were incapable of returning from Zodiark's hold. I have no memory past my - ah, death, I suppose.
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well.
he can't say he wouldn't have done the same. xie lian would have in a heartbeat. it's so oppositional to xie lian's knowing and the name - azem is one he's heard before, too, even if only in memories forcibly shared.
his respect for hythlodaeus solidified, and empathetic heart aching for the person he came to know, xie lian folds his hands together and looks away, expression pulling into a small, soft smile. ]
... A choice made of your own volition, too, it sounds like. [ much to emet's displeasure, he can imagine. ] He... from what I know, he has certainly lived a long time to continue such work. Though, of this Azem... it is a name I've heard before, but I can't tell you much of it beyond that.
[ he could, maybe. the fractured soul. the new version of an old friend. but he can't be the one to drop the news that he does know - that while emet-selch may have survived the realm, xie lian felt the way the light pulled him free of the sway of the very zodiark said before, and the way he faded from existence.
(once, there was a prince who built a bridge to the heavens, to save his people and bring them to the sky.)
he takes a breath, and there's a soft sadness to his words, the weight heavy like a cloak, even as his small smile remains. ]
... There is someone here that I know who - went through something of a similar fate. She is healthy and hale here, and must have been in her strange game. But, to me... her fate has changed in ways that I was stunned, to know she was even alive. It doesn't seem that odd of an occurrence, in this space.
[ ... ]
...And, truthfully - such moments outside of time are a blessing, no matter what we all return to.
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hythlodaeus is quiet, listening. and when xie lian is finished, he sighs a little, closing his eyes.]
It is good to know you found your friend for even one moment. I agree. To know that Emet-Selch is still alive is a blessing, though perhaps not in entirety. I should imagine he is... tired.
[and it's clear that hythlodaeus aches, thinking about that.]
Ahh, it is useless to think of what might have changed, I know, but I have often wondered if I should have taken his title in his stead. How different it might have been - how much rest he could have been afforded.
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... Though I am certainly far older than I look, I am not anywhere close to as old as Emet-Selch is. [ and this was a point between them often - emet managed to needle at xie lian at the beginning because of it, though he decided he was going to continue to be optimistic and stupid no matter what - but immortality is immortality. and, if there's one thing he understands, it's this; xie lian's voice quiets a little further, and he gives hyth a soft, sad smile if he looks.
(as he remembers, emet's story about his son.) ]
...It is a terribly lonely thing.
[ eight hundred years of solitude, after tremendous tragedy and loss, was never something xie lian enjoyed. he just existed, until san lang came along. he can only imagine what it's like to be alone for emet had, and his heart aches for the two of them. ]
I think... and perhaps this comes from recognition and similarity, but... it will always be easier to think - "if it were me." [ the smile goes a little wan, there, and xie lian scratches his cheek. same hat! ] Either road that you could have taken would have ended in sorrow, to match the light your opportunity gave.
So - I think it will be difficult to step away from wondering, even if we know it to be logical. [ the same hat is too real!!
the wanness fades away, to a smile of warmth and kindness; of kindred spirits and recognition. ] But, if I have learned anything, it is that what is done is done, and it is ever important to hold onto the smaller, happier memories as much as it is our own concerns and care for those around us.
So... if you'd like to ponder on it, I'd be happy to listen - or, if you'd simply like to recount tales of lighter times, or hear similar of the ones that I know, I'm happy for that, too.
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I would be happy to do any of those things. [hythlodaeus says finally, tilting his head back.]
You are not entirely incorrect. Perhaps there would have been sorrow, pain, but I would much rather have had carried the burden of it.
[he glances down at his feet - where the shoebill has just appeared? it's just here now. it's still ignoring the both of them, but when hythlodaeus reaches down to stroke the top of its head, it doesn't move away.]
In any case. I have plenty of happy memories involving him, despite his nature. My hope is that some of what I remember survived the long years.
[a beat, and then a small laugh:] I've not even any idea where to start.
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but, he's happy to let the conversation slide to the new topic, allowing hyth a moment to think.
... and then scoots a little closer to him. this energy. ]
How old were the two of you when you met? You said children, and - truthfully, it's almost hard for me to imagine Emet-Selch as a child! What sort of young man was he?